思考与写作tiffanymatthe.com
接受自己并非非凡
Being OK with not being extraordinary
2020 — 2022，它一次次回到首页
黑点是上首页（≥ 50 分）的那次投稿，空心点是没冲上去的投稿，点越大分数越高。
导读
作者坦承自己看到“非凡”的人时感到的不是激励而是失望和嫉妒，并探讨如何接受自己可能终究是个普通人。文章引发广泛共鸣，讨论了社交媒体时代的比较焦虑与自我接纳。
为什么经久不衰：它触及了几乎每个现代人的隐痛——被他人的成功刺痛——并给出一种不灌鸡汤的和解思路，因此多年后仍被反复顶上首页。
HN 评论精选
在两三个领域的交叉处做到顶尖，比在单一领域做到顶尖容易得多，组合技能本身就是一种非凡。
爬到更高的视角也能解锁你从未注意过的新的“非凡”形式。我曾读到一篇文章说，在单一领域做到顶尖所需的工作量是天文数字，但在两三个领域的组合中做到顶尖几乎人人可及。比如成为顶尖统计学家很难，但成为顶尖的统计学家兼程序员就容易得多——只要你比普通程序员更懂统计、比普通统计学家更会编程，你就已经是高于平均的组合型人才。或者你是个音乐老师，又擅长编程，就能做出比竞品好得多的音乐教学软件，因为你对音乐教学的细微之处了如指掌。也可能你艺术、作曲、编程、讲故事都只是“相当不错”，但把这些组合起来，一个人就能做出各方面都很出色的游戏。要点是：你也许在任何一个领域都不非凡，但做到“非凡”并不太难。
umvi查看英文原文
> Climbing to a higher vantage point can also unlock new forms of extraordinary that you might have never noticed before. I read an article once about how the amount of work to get into the top tier in a single area is astronomical, but the amount of work to become top tier in a combination of 2-3 fields is attainable by almost anyone. For example, becoming a top tier statistician is hard. But becoming a top tier statistician/programmer is easier. In other words, if you can get to a state where you know more statistics than your average programmer and more programming than your average statistician, then suddenly you are an above-average programmer/statistician. Keep improving those two skills and you may start to "unlock new forms of extraordinary". Or maybe you are a music teacher, and also pretty good at programming, and so you can make extraordinary music teaching software that is way better than the competition's because you understand the nuances of music teaching intimately enough that you capture them clearly in software requirements. Or maybe you are pretty good at art, pretty good at music composition, pretty good at programming, pretty good at story telling (not necessarily top tier in any one category though)... and you combine all of those skills to single-handedly create a game that by many measures is extraordinary[0][1]. Something like that. Anyway, the point being, you may not be extraordinary in any one field, but it isn't too hard to achieve extraordinary things due to a combination of skills in multiple fields if you work at it. [0] https://undertale.com/ [1] https://www.cavestory.org/
面对他人的卓越，好奇心是唯一可持续、且好坏境遇下都有用的反应。
很多人面对非凡者会反应为“受激励”“失望”或“嫉妒”，但这些都比不上好奇心有用。任何领域里非凡者身上都有无穷可学的东西，轻易把他们归结为天赋或运气是肤浅的。我打高尔夫，这项运动对初学者极其挫败，往往要多年苦练才能勉强合格。带着失望或嫉妒去打球的人很快会退出，因为压力太大无法享受；带着崇拜去打的人，一旦激励耗尽也难以为继。好奇心是我发现的唯一可持续的情绪——无论打出好球还是坏球，无论看比你强还是比你弱的人，它都有用，因为你在不断拼凑“是什么让人擅长他所做的事”。
thelean12查看英文原文
There are lots of people reacting to the extraordinary with "inspiration", "disappointment", and "jealousy". I'd say none of these are as useful as reacting with curiosity. There's an endless amount to learn from the extraordinary in any field or sport or hobby. It's easy to write off the extraordinary as naturally talented or lucky or something else surface level. Most of the time it's anything but. I play golf. It's a game that can be extraordinarily frustrating to beginners. It often takes years of hard work to just be moderately adequate at the game. Going into it with disappointment or jealousy of extraordinary golfers will quickly lead them to quit as they'll be way too stressed out to enjoy the game. Those who go into it with inspiration or admiration of those who are better won't be able to sustain it when the inspiration burns out. Curiosity is the only emotion I've found that is sustainable. Endless curiosity as you try to figure out and piece together what makes someone good at what they do. It's an emotion that sustains because it's the only emotion that is useful both when you hit a bad shot and when you hit a good shot. It's useful both when you watch someone who is worse than you, and when you watch someone who is better than you.
引用费曼与罗斯福：专注于“做什么”而非“成为什么”，比较只会偷走快乐。
费曼：“爱上某件事，去做它！没有人真正搞明白人生是怎么回事，这也不重要。探索世界，几乎所有事情深入进去都很有趣。在你最喜欢的事情上想干多努力就多努力。不要想你‘想成为什么’，而要想你‘想做什么’。”罗斯福：“比较是快乐的窃贼。”对我来说，“非凡”是一种存在状态而非行为。别纠结想成为什么，只想想做什么，活在体验里，别再操心自己和别人比起来怎么样。人终有一死，能活时就好好活。
ErikAugust查看英文原文
“Fall in love with some activity, and do it! Nobody ever figures out what life is all about, and it doesn't matter. Explore the world. Nearly everything is really interesting if you go into it deeply enough. Work as hard and as much as you want to on the things you like to do the best. Don't think about what you want to be, but what you want to do. Keep up some kind of a minimum with other things so that society doesn't stop you from doing anything at all.” ― Richard P. Feynman “Comparison is the thief of joy.” - Teddy Roosevelt To me, "extraordinary" is a state of being rather than doing. Don't worry about what you want to be, but just what you want to do. Do things and be alive in the experience, and stop worrying so much about how you stack up against others. You're all going to die, live while you can.
互联网夸大了顶尖成功者的数量，现实中的“非凡者”远比信息流里看起来稀少。
互联网让人人觉得自己不够好，因为太容易和网上的人比较。有几点要记住：1. 极其成功的人远没有网上看起来那么多。以健身房为例，Instagram 让人以为所有男人都能卧推 400 磅、有六块腹肌，但我健身 15 年、去过全球几十家健身房，亲眼见过卧推 300 磅的人不到 5 个。任何领域都如此——编程领域我就没见过达到我给自己定的“10 倍程序员”标准的人。2. 很多人非常擅长营销自己，这夸大了你眼中“非凡者”的数量。世界级水平的人并没有那么多，放松点，去做自己喜欢的事吧。
rvn1045查看英文原文
The internet has made everyone feel inadequate as it's easy to compare yourself to people you see on the internet. Couple of things to keep in mind if your comparing yourself: 1. There aren't as many uber successful people out there as the internet makes it seem. It's far fewer than you think. Lets take a simple example of dudes who go to the gym and are strong. Instagram makes it seem like all dudes bench press 400 lbs and have a 6 pack. In my 15 years of going to the gym (ive been to several dozen all across the world) there are less than 5 people I've personally seen who've bench pressed even 300 lbs. Apply this to any field and it's going to be true.If you take programming for instance I'm yet to meet a person who's performing at the standard I had set for myself (become a 10x programmer). 2. Lots of people are really good at marketing themselves, which inflates the number of people you think are extraordinary. There aren't that many people at the world class level, the internet makes it seem there are more of these than there are. Just relax and do the things you enjoy.
问题不在年轻人自己，而在“人人都能成为最好”这种有毒叙事——它把别人的成功变成了对自己的否定。
“看到非凡者我不觉得受激励，只觉得失望和嫉妒”——这是一个年轻人被训练得把别人的成功视为对自己能力和努力的隐性否定才会说的话，这不是作者的错。心理健康的人看到卓越会感到钦佩、充满干劲。我从不认为“参与奖”伤害了年轻人——年轻人很聪明，知道参与奖是糊弄人的。真正伤害他们的是不断灌输的“人人都能做到任何事/人人都能成为最好”，其推论就是“你不是最好，说明你有问题/不够努力”。并非人人都能成为最好，很多人靠基因和人脉优势注定在某个技能上胜过 99% 的竞争者。年轻人的自由时间本就极少，剩下的时间又被恐惧和焦虑笼罩，只能靠手机电脑获得片刻喘息。
quacked查看英文原文
> But I don't feel inspired when I see extraordinary. I feel disappointed, jealous. These are the words of a young person who was trained to see everyone else's success as an implicit criticism of their own ability and effort. It is not the author's fault. A mentally healthy person, when shown a display of excellence, is impressed, energized, and motivated. I have never thought that "participation trophies" do any damage to young people. Young people are smart and know that participation trophies are bullshit. What actually hurt young people was the constant reinforcement that "anyone can do anything/anyone can be the best". The corollary of "anyone can be the best" is "if you are not the best, then something is wrong with you/you're not trying hard enough". Not everyone can be the best; many people have genetic and network-based advantages that will guarantee them better results at a skill than 99% of their competitors. Young people have very little free time. The time they spend actually focused on their responsibilities is constantly overshadowed by fear and anxiety about The Future (grades, college, etc.) The remaining time they have is spent on their phones and computers, which is the only reliable way to make the fear and anxiety turn off for a few minutes. When they do have free time for extracurriculars, they're in sports playing against future D1 athletes and having metrics and social status tracked against them, or in theater getting cast as extras while the good roles go to the handsome kids, or in music listening to the musicians' kids and the international students play like professionals. If you want to be okay with not being extraordinary, you need a lot of free time to get properly bored, and a social network with which to practice your hobby completely free from the judgement of The System. Practicing to try to beat a rival school headed by a college-bound athlete is stressful, but practicing to try and impress your friends at pickup soccer purely for fun is not.
“略高于平均”是投入产出比最优的甜蜜点：既有进步的乐趣，又不必付出顶尖所需的疯狂代价。
与这篇文章产生共鸣的人可以看看 YouTube 上的 Mark Lewis。他三十多岁时又胖又抑郁，后来把自己练得非常出色（5 公里跑进 20 分钟、赢下 Hyrox 年龄组、完成超马）。他谈的人生哲学是：在自己想做的每件事上做到“高于平均”即可——位于钟形曲线峰值右侧但不远处。这是乐趣最大的甜蜜点：太靠左你会因不如别人而难受，但追求远超平均就得牺牲太多，反而吸干了所有乐趣。高于平均能让你保持进步动力，远更可实现，也不必像很多高成就者那样把自己逼疯。我觉得这是相当好的人生哲学。
rcarr查看英文原文
Anyone who this article resonates with might want to check out the videos of Mark Lewis on YouTube. He was formally fat and depressed in his 30s and got himself into great shape (sub 20 minute 5ks, cat B on Zwift, winning age group at hyrox, completing ultra marathons). He speaks about his philosophy on life and training which is to be above average in whatever he wants to pursue which he describes as being somewhere to the right of the bell curve peak but not too far down. He says this is the sweet spot where you get the most fun and enjoyment; to the left of the peak and you feel bad that you’re not as good as everyone else, but trying to get too much better than average at something means you start having to sacrifice too much in order to achieve it which starts sucking away all the fun. Above average keeps you motivated to better yourself, is far more achievable and doesn’t require you to become crazy like a lot of high achievers. I think it’s a pretty good philosophy. https://youtu.be/kViCSPXyU8U
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