互联网与文化renaebair.com
“我丈夫是程序员；可我完全不懂那是什么意思”
"My husband is a programmer; I have no idea what that means."
2010 — 2011，它一次次回到首页
黑点是上首页（≥ 50 分）的那次投稿，空心点是没冲上去的投稿，点越大分数越高。
导读
一位程序员妻子撰文感叹：许多伴侣对另一半每天投入近半时间的工作——编程——毫无了解，甚至不知道编程语言不止一种。她呼吁非程序员的伴侣多问问题、尝试理解对方的工作与热情。文章在 2010、2011 两次登上 HN 首页，引发关于亲密关系中是否需要理解彼此职业的讨论。
为什么经久不衰：它触及一个永恒话题：亲密关系中我们该花多少精力理解对方的世界，程序员群体因职业难以被外行理解而对此格外有共鸣。
HN 评论精选
理解伴侣的工作是出于对人的关心，而非对职业本身的兴趣
这总让我震惊。你和一个人结婚，却对TA把近40-50%的时间花在什么事情上毫无兴趣，除了职位头衔之外一无所知？这点被低估了。我前女友是会计，下班后想吐槽工作，我就得问些会计问题才能听懂。我突然对会计产生了兴趣，因为我想理解她为什么烦恼、开心或如释重负，而不是在她谈论生活重要部分时只会点头说'嗯嗯'。当然现在我对会计毫无兴趣了。
dkarl查看英文原文
This always blows my mind. You’re married to someone, and you aren’t interested enough in the person to know anything about what they do with nearly 40-50% of their time, aside from their job title? This is underappreciated. I had a girlfriend who was an accountant. At the end of the day, she'd want to vent about work, and guess what? I couldn't follow her without asking some questions about accounting. Suddenly, I was interested in accounting, because I wanted to understand why she was annoyed or stressed or happy or relieved when she got home from work, and I didn't want to just nod and say "uh huh, uh huh" while she was talking about something that was an important part of her life. Now I don't give two shits about accounting. If that's unusual, sign me up for an unusual woman.
伴侣不必懂技术细节，向外行解释反而有益；差异本身是婚姻的价值
编程所需的思维方式对我妻子来说枯燥乏味。她听我讲工作细节时眼神放空，不代表她不关心编程对我更宏大意义上的价值。我娶她正是因为她与我不同，向外行描述我的工作反而极大锻炼了我的沟通能力。我绝不会因为她不愿费劲去掌握我工作的琐碎细节而感到被冒犯。不过她确实知道 Ruby on Rails 是什么 :)
dasil003查看英文原文
The thought process that programming requires is tiresome and tedious to my wife. The fact that her eyes glaze over when I talk about the details of my day does not mean that she doesn't care about what programming means to me in the greater human sense. One of the reasons I married her is precisely because she is so different from me, and the fact that I must describe things to her as a layperson actually improves my communication skills greatly. I would never dream of being offended that she does not want to put forth the effort to grasp the gritty details of what I do. That said, she does know what Ruby on Rails is :)
从另一角度反思：工程师很难找到能分享职业热情的伴侣，这是行业性别失衡的私人代价
这是我经常思考的问题。如果你热爱写作、历史和艺术并喜欢与朋友谈论它们，和一个对这些毫无兴趣的人结婚合理吗？也许合理，差异也能互相吸引。但人们往往会选择能理解自己热情的伴侣。我的热情是编程，也享受与他人一起编程。想找一个有可能和我分享代码的人生伴侣，这算不切实际吗？我认为'科技界女性少'这个问题对我们个人生活的影响远比我们承认的大：作家能娶读者，艺术家能娶懂艺术的人，而工程师通常没这个运气。
mr_luc查看英文原文
This is something that I think about a lot, actually. If you love writing and history and art and like talking about them with your friends, would it make sense to marry someone with no interest in those things? Maybe! Obviously, some people marry complements, differences can attract, and so on. But please consider the other viewpoint. Isn't it often the case that people choose to be in a relationship with other people who can understand their passions? If your passion is starting a business, or political participation, or world travel, or teaching, or surfing, what would your friends tell you about getting into a relationship with someone who doesn't value those things, and whose expectations of a normal life frankly preclude you spending quality time with that passion? My passion is programming. And I really enjoy doing it with others. Is it unrealistic to want to end up with someone I can have an outside chance of sharing gists with? I think the 'few women in tech' issue affects us personally a lot more than we let on. Writers can marry readers and speakers and thinkers, artists can marry people who appreciate art, entrepreneurs can make the business a family endeavor, but engineers are usually out of luck. Edit: 'out of luck' if what we want to do is share our specific passion with the person we spend the rest of our life with. If that doesn't matter to you, or the definition of sharing your passion doesn't involve talking code or coding with your SO, then you're lucky!
分享一个亲身做法：一起写个小程序，让伴侣直观理解编程工作的内容
我的伴侣也不懂我做什么，于是她主动提出要学。不是学写代码，而是了解这份工作包含什么。我们花了几晚一起写了个小程序，让她明白我说的'函数'、'UI'是什么意思。每一步我都解释为什么这么做、有哪些选择，但不深入代码语法。最后我们做出了一个能运行的程序，她理解了它是怎么搭起来的，进而理解了我的日常。至今她再也不会一脸茫然，还能提出问题。她愿意花时间做这件事，对我意义重大。
51Cards查看英文原文
My partner also had no clue what I do, so she asked to learn. Not to learn how to code, but what it involves. So we took a couple nights and we wrote a small program together just so she could understand what it means when I say 'function' or 'UI'. At each step I explained why we were doing things and what it entailed and what some of our options could be, but stopped short of actual code semantics. At the end we had a working program and she understood how it was put together and in turn, what my daily routine entails. To this day she doesn't get that blank look and is able to ask questions. The fact she took the time to do that meant a lot to me.
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