职业与工作方法chadfowler.com
你最重要的技能：同理心
Your Most Important Skill: Empathy
2014 — 2015，它一次次回到首页
黑点是上首页（≥ 50 分）的那次投稿，空心点是没冲上去的投稿，点越大分数越高。
导读
这篇文章讨论共情（empathy）作为一项关键技能的重要性，认为理解他人的感受和动机能显著改善沟通、协作与人际关系。文章也触及共情的代价：过度共情可能带来情绪耗竭，而共情究竟是天赋还是可习得能力，仍值得思考。
为什么经久不衰：它切中人际交往与职业发展的核心能力，评论区又补充了天赋、负担与心理学研究争议，使讨论历久弥新。
HN 评论精选
从心理学研究角度反驳：高共情（宜人性）与更差的职业结果相关。
这篇博文在事实上与当前心理学研究相悖。在主流的大五人格模型中，共情与“宜人性”相关，而重复的大样本调查显示，宜人性与更差的职业结果和更低的职业满意度相关。这并不是说做混蛋就好，但如果以晋升和薪酬衡量职业表现，统计现实是：高共情并不会朝人们通常期望的方向推动结果。
trevelyan查看英文原文
This blog post is factually incorrect in the sense that it contradicts the current state-of-the-art in psychology research, which comes from the regression analysis of statistically-identifiable personality traits against actual career outcomes in repeated large-n survey research. Specifically, empathy is associated with "agreeability" in the five-factor OCEAN model (the dominant scientific model of personality traits in psychology). In this model, agreeability has been repeatedly shown to correlate with worse career outcomes and lower professional satisfaction over time. This is not to say that being an asshole is good, but if we are measuring career performance in terms of the traditional metrics that matter to most people (promotion and pay), the statistical reality is that high levels of empathy don't move the needle in the direction people conventionally assume they want.
个人经历：从缺乏共情到学会共情，并认为共情是获得他人支持的有效方式。
我小时候几乎没有共情能力，后来发现是因为逐渐失聪。失聪反而让我学会像读说明书一样读人：观察别人的表情、肢体语言和情绪反应。起初我模仿并利用这些来操纵他人，但随着时间推移，有些东西变得自然，我猛然意识到：从他人那里获得支持的最好方式，是理解他们的情绪处境并给予回应和支持，也就是共情。这让我常想：共情纯粹是后天习得的，还是有些人天生就有很强的倾向？
grownseed查看英文原文
This is a refreshing article considering the mainstream upsell of the selfish "cool" stone-hearted asshole. Anywho, I used to be one of those kids with little to no capacity for empathy. I wasn't horrible, I would never have hurt anyone, but I had a really hard time relating (nor was I trying to). My pre-school teacher mentioned to my parents that something was off with me (they just thought I was a weird kid), it seemed I had no notion of social feedback, putting me somewhere on the autism spectrum. Turns out I was going completely deaf, which on the long run ended up being a blessing in disguise (also because I more or less recovered my hearing later on). Being deaf, you learn to read people as if they came with an instruction booklet, it comes very naturally. I saw how other people had those reactions, emotions showing in their faces, their body language and so on, and how it affected others. I started feigning it and playing with it, effectively manipulating people into reacting the way I wanted them to. As time moved on, some of these things started coming naturally and it soon hit me like a brick: the best way to get things from others is to understand where they stand emotionally and to show reciprocation and support, i.e. empathy. It often makes me wonder whether empathy is purely an acquired trait, or if some people have a strong predisposition for it. The one major drawback of empathy, in my opinion, is feeling utterly useless when you see other people repeatedly hurting themselves, usually thinking they're doing the right thing. It pains me, deeply, but I suppose it's a necessary side-effect.
共情是技能与天赋的结合，优秀销售员能本能地代入他人情绪。
共情既是技能也是天赋。我认识几位很棒的销售员，看有天赋和没天赋的人差距惊人。它可以练习，但有些人确实天生擅长。优秀的销售员总是情绪好、不消极、不批评、不跑题，甚至能提前知道对方要说什么。他们能立刻判断目标市场对产品会有什么反应，仿佛能轻松代入别人的心态，理解对方本能的情绪反应。我只能笨拙地模仿，需要全神贯注，就像说一门外语却永远不能用它思考。
narrator查看英文原文
Empathy is a skill and a talent. I've had close personal relationships with a few great salesmen. It's incredible to watch the difference between someone who is gifted in this regard and someone who isn't. It can be worked on, but some people definitely have a natural talent. Great salesmen are always in a good mood, never negative, never criticize, never go off on random tangents and know what the other person is going to say even before they say it. They can tell immediately how a target market will react to anything in a product or offering. It's like they can easily put themselves in the other person's mindset to understand their gut emotional reaction to things. I only dream of being that good. The best I can do is to clumsily emulate it, but it requires concentration to pay attention to everything, it's like speaking a foreign language but never quite thinking in it.
共情过强会带来情绪耗竭和痛苦，甚至可能被用于操纵他人。
我的共情能力给我带来了非常负面的副作用。当亲近的人痛苦时，我会感到几乎令人瘫痪的情绪疼痛。我的一位天才工程师朋友得了脑癌，就坐在我隔壁桌，他难过时我几乎无法工作。前任情绪不好时，我能感受到她的愤怒和悲伤，这让我崩溃。小时候我甚至能借此操纵兄弟姐妹，因为我完全理解他们的感受——我并不为此自豪。人们总说我讨人喜欢，但这能力有时真让我希望它消失。
irishcoffee查看英文原文
I'm sure this will get buried at this point, but I have experienced very negative side effects from my ability to empathize with people. Theres a term (which I find silly) that categorizes people as 'empaths' which I gathered means one can almost "link" emotionally with people. While I fid the term silly, i have experienced almost crippling emotional pain when someone close to me is hurting. I hate it, I wish it would go away. My one friend, brilliant engineer. Has brain cancer. I sit a desk away from him. When he is upset, I can hardly function. My ex-SO, when upset, I can feel the anger and sadness. It destroys me to feel that someone feels that way toward me. Its truly awful and I wish this didn't happen to me. My siblings growing up, I was able to (and I'm not proud of this at all) basically manipulate them into doing whatever I wanted, because I was able to understand how they felt. People tell me all the time "you're such likeable person, everyone likes you. That'll take you far." My boss said it not a month ago, which took me by surprise, as I don't care for my boss at all. I wish there was a spectrum opposite the autism spectrum. I don't think I am at all unique in this, and I wish I could talk to others experiencing the same kinds of things.
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